R.E.S.P.E.C.T

Who teaches us what it means to be respectED or respectFUL? Is it some innate ability that we're born with? Does it fall upon us like rain drops? Perhaps it comes with the disciplinary tactics of our guardian angels樂.....One thing I DO know about respect is that some people simply don't have any. None for you, none for your personal life, none for your past, none for your present, none for your business or job duties, none for your feelings....They are simply VOID of that simple requirement that most of us have; or at least ATTEMPT to have for ourselves, if nothing else.

I remember being a child & being told that "children should be seen and not heard" or "speak when spoken to". These phrases were said a LOT; like a LOT lot! Grandma said it, auntie said it, uncle said it, MAMA said it ALLLLLLL the time!! The one thing that baffled me the most about that statement was that no one could ever explain "WHY?". It was always the famous "because I said so" answer. Me being the inquisitor that I am, I challenged this "rule" on a regular! How come a child can't say anything unless asked? What does a child not understand about life that they are deemed incapable of having the privilege of being able to express themselves amongst adults? Is there a RULE that states these things, and if so, where?! Show me cuz I need to see it in writing!!

BECAUSE OF HER.....

       

           She is not old enough or big enough to protect herself from harm. That job is mine for now, & as her mother, I am responsible for the decisions made that may or may not effect her young life.  I am the SOLE provider of a “safe haven” that will ultimately shape the woman she becomes. It is BECAUSE of her existence that I NOW understand this simple math!

       She doesn't quite understand the magnitude of pain I carry for myself or for my little family. However, I know she feels it probably just as deeply as I do. That's the thing about domestic violence & abuse. It creates a ripple where EVERYONE close to it experiences some form of pain.  Even the babies. She can't explain it to me, even though she is simply carefree, & seemingly, unaffected by the world around her.

        

          I know it won't always be this way. the pain will eventually subside, but I try and preserve as much of her innocence as I can. Although all of my children give me peace, SHE is the strength I found to stop craving a man that I knew was no good for me. SHE is the reason I did what I felt was right in leaving her father. SHE is what made me say enough is enough!  Knowing that I NEVER wanted for her to go through the things I was experiencing is what kept me. Her peace, ultimately, became my destination.

             I tried to make excuses and forgive him for the disrespect & the abuse, but my tank ran empty when I made up my mind that I deserve better & so do my babies❤! In those moments, I realized that after removing him from my life, she went from pulling out her hair and scratching her delicate skin incessantly, to simply enjoying her brothers & being a little girl She even stopped having constant eczema flares! 

     

          In these months that followed, I watched her blossom; & smile; & grow; & learn❤. I now understand that what she DOES recognize is my sadness. She DOES understand pain, even if she can't yet verbalize it.  She DOES know when things don't  feel right. I get to see her happiness & joy & most of all, she will get to see me happy again. Without convoluted thoughts & chaos surrounding our lives......❤

      

       I love these hugs; crave them even! These moments when she reminds me of how important I am to my children. The part that shows me how life would've been without them or them without me. They love me. Truly! Even when I'm not feeling or acting my absolute best; when it seems like I'm falling apart; they help me hold things together & they forgive me for not being perfect. Unequivocally, unconditionally & irrevocably.....LOVE ❤